Pepé Smith

I am about to tell an unbelievable story, so brace yourself.  You can believe this or not, it makes no difference to me.  But know that this person is out there, and he is the man.

Phelipe Smith was one of my friends in high school, we called him Pepé (we pronounced it pee-pee).  I'm not even sure where to begin with this kid, so I guess I'll start with his name.  You might be wondering, "Pepé and Smith don't go together all that great, what gives?"  Well I'll tell you.  Pepé was adopted by the Smiths when he was young.  I'm not sure what his real name is, but it is probable Mexican, because that was where he was from.  We called him pee-pee for an entirely different reason, but I'll get to that soon enough.

Okay, this is where the unbelievable aspects of Pepé's life are going to be told, so get ready.  Pepé was a midget, I guess I'll get that out of the way first.  (Here it comes...) Pepé was a midget who was cut from the basketball team.  Pepé was a Mexican who was fluent in Spanish, but somehow tricked the administration into thinking that he never learned Spanish.  There, I'll just lay it all out there now so you can stop reading if you think this is too far fetched of a story, but I ensure you that it is %100 Pepé.  I'll now go into those individual stories.

BASKETBALL:

Pepé was a midget who was cut from the basketball team, big surprise, right?  Wrong.  Pepé was cut from the basketball team not because he didn't have skills, as a matter of fact, Pepé was actually very good at basketball.  Now, I'm not going to sit here and try to tell you that Pepé could dunk over or outrun anyone on the court, that would be ridiculous (he was, after all, a dwarf).  But what Pepé lacked in height, me made up in skill and confidence.  I went to almost all of his home games, and the only reason that I could think of for him being so good was that everyone else didn't take him seriously because of his height deficiency.  That paired with everyone always looking down to play with him made it easy for him to dish the rock.  He didn't have many points, and almost no rebounds, but he had tons of assists.  So he was cut because he showed up for practice one day, on a dare, in a bib and diapers.  

It's almost painful for me to tell these stories because having lived them, it was actually happening, but rereading them, they seem impossible.  But it only gets crazier from here on.

SPANISH:

Pepé was adopted when he was 5 years old by the Smiths.  He was fluent in Spanish and English by the time he transfered to my school in 2nd grade.  Since he always was speaking English and never speaking Spanish, paired with the last name, Smith, it never came up in the administration.  Well, by the time we were in 7th grade and were suppose to choose a second language and they didn't tell him he couldn't choose Spanish, he went with it.  He played dumb and kept from getting 100s on all the tests, but I think that the teachers expected something.  It was in these classes where Pepé got his nickname "Pee-pee"

PEE-PEE:

This one is a simple picture to draw.  Pepé got his name because he would walk around Spanish class with an erection.  Well, not all the time, but one time in particular.  Pepé got up in the middle of a Spanish exam and walked to the pencel sharpener... with a boner... in sweatpants.  It was as awesome as it sounds.  A Mexican midget waking around a class, which he should be teaching, with a steel hard phallus pertruding from sweatpants.  It was epic.

That was just a few of the capers Pepé Smith got into in high school.  He was a very confident little man.  And, surprisingly, remarkably adept with the ladies.