The Kid's Aren't Alright

Here's the thing.  I have a little brother who is 7 years younger than me.  I always knew that the kid was a little whacko, as a matter of face, I was going to include him in the list of 20 crazy people, but I decided that Mel Gibson had a little more public exposure than the little brother.  But I digress, I always knew the kid was a little... off, but I didn't think anything of it.  That is until he invited a few of his jerk-off friends over.  It was then that I started to wonder, "what is it that is making these kids all f*cking nuts?"  I then took a HUGE step back and tried to deduce why the kids are so crazy.  Here are a few movies, television programs, cultural phenomenon, and other things which I believed poisoned the youth.

The Walt Disney Effect:

Sleeping Beauty = Necrophelia.  For all intensive purposes, this chick was dead.  She was poisoned by Maleficent (yeah, I know the witch's

 name) and put on a stone slab.  Poison + stone slab = dead.  Well prince charming comes along and brings her back to life by kissing her.  What kind of sick, sadistic, necrophile would pass this off as a heartwarming children's story?

Alice in Wonderland = Drugs.  "Hey kids, you ever go on a 2 hour acid trip?" - Walt Disney.  Now I know that Through the Looking-Glass, by Lewis Carroll is on every Child

ren's Lit syllabi, but for real Walt, it was a movie for stoners.  Alice is all hopped up on shrooms, traipsing around wonderland getting into all sorts of hijinks with her fellow stoners.  But I guess it was a cautionary tail because at the end she goes on a bad trip riv

aling the CIA's worst LSD test from the 1950s.

Lady and the Tramp = Being a Bitch.  I think that Mr. Sinatra sang it best:

She gets to hungry for dinner at 8

She loves the theater, but doesn't come late

Shed never bother with people shed hate

That's why the lady is a tramp.

I don't know, I never watched the movie, and neither should you.

Little Mermaide = Gambling.  Ursula, possably the most sexy character WD ever put out.  She got some idiot girl to sell her soul to her for a little

 while on dry land to try to seduce some unsuspecting prince.  Of course, at then end, Ursula, the bookie, gets shafted out of what was owed to her.  I think this story is the only reason that my little brother hasn't payed me back for those Jonas Brothers tickets I bought for him yet.  And if this story actually did inspire him, I doubt I ever will see that money

.

Winnie the Pooh = Gluttony/Obesity.  Lets see how fat we can get a nation.  Thank you Doc. Disney for instilling upon an entire nation the notion that being fat and slow is not only okay, but adorable.

Children Stories:

The Rest of the Children's Lit Syllabi.  All of those stories are just plain nutty.

Frog Prince = Bestiality.  *I am against all types of bestiality* but that frog is a pimp.  He must have had the biggest set of nuts to hop up to some hottie and tell her that he is a prince and the only way for him to prove it to her is for her to swap some spit with him.  Props to the frog, tisk-tisk to the dummy who made out with the frog.

Curious George = Theft & Mischief.  Kids, the way to make friends is to steal things from them.  The monkey and the yellow man's relationship started with that chimp stealing the dudes hat.  Any relationship built on the grounds of theft is destined to fail.  Good luck man with the yellow hat, but if you're going to get a best friend from the jungle, stick with a tiger.

Peter Cotton Tail = Robbery and Breaking and Entering

Pop culture?:

Barbie = Cosmetics.  I'm fairly positive that everyone knows that the inflation in boob jobs is due to the measurements of this doll.

I guess that all I've gathered from this is that Walt Disney was a sicko, Lewis Carroll was a drug addict, Frank Sinatra was a genious, and my little brother and his J.O. friends are a lost cause.  The Offspring said it best, "The kids aren't alright"